


removed

by lowhangingfruit



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Attempt at Humor, Humor, I think I'm funny, M/M, NCT Dream Ensemble-centric, Sexual Humor, Texting, spoilers: I'm not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:14:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25064506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lowhangingfruit/pseuds/lowhangingfruit
Summary: JenLo: All I want to say isJenLo: If you’ve ever touched yourself while thinking of me you’re disownedbanana: you would never disown meJenLo: Ok, you’re disownedbanana: ive only done it 14 timesJunnie: Jaemin, please.Junnie: At least try to maintain some SEMBLANCE of decorumJenLo: I want new friends[Or: Jeno is tired, Jaemin secretly wants to hold hands more than he wants nudes, Renjun and Haechan have sexual tension, and Chenle and Jisung have crushes. Also, is Mark busy or lurking?]
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 6
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just pretend that NCT Dream members are American high schoolers and not an idol group. Also, 2000 line are all seniors and of legal age in this fic, and any sexual shenanigans referenced are between them and NOT Chenle and Jisung, who are juniors and around 17.

**[disciples of nash]**

JenLo: Hey does anyone besides Mark have admin rights

JenLo: I have a serious request

markly: no, it’s just me

markly: what’s up??

JenLo: Oh you’re actually here for once

JenLo: Please remove Jaemin, it’s serious this time

ChenkleChip: You say that every time!

banana: wait what the fuck did i do

markly: what didn’t you do

JenLo: So we were watching videos on his phone, and then he’s like “hey actually I have a meme to show you”

banana: oh i think i know where this is going

banana: jENO STOPPP PLSSS

JenLo: And he goes into his photo library and starts scrolling through his albums

JenLo: Most of them were pretty questionable in the first place, but there’s a fine line between questionable and violating the law

sunburn: we’ve all seen Jaemin’s porn stash, I was lurking bc I thought there’d be NEW tea smh

JenLo: Stfu and let me finish, you actually probably know exactly what I’m talking about you nasty traitor

JenLo: Anyway

JenLo: And then I saw it

JenLo: Our friend Jaemin has albums dedicated to each of us individually, just so you all know

banana: jeno old buddy old pal cant we talk this out amongst ourselves like civilized folks

JenLo: Some of them consist mostly of cute selcas, like Chenle’s

JenLo: But mine is just cropped photos of my ass

JenLo: And arms

JenLo: And thighs

sunburn: and DICK

JenLo: No, shut up

JenLo: I don’t remember ANY of these being taken

JenLo: The worst part is that the album is just titled “( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)”

sunburn: that’s a yikes from me chief

ChenkleChip: big Yikes

banana: ok see you just don’t understand my humor

banana: if i truly created that album with the intent with which youre implying i created it wouldn’t i have strategically placed it somewhere more sneaky??

banana: i just made it bc the extreme juxtaposition of your perfect sculpted body and dumdum brain is peak comedy and makes me laugh

banana: why do you think i keep it next to my meme album

Junnie: I’m no psychologist, but if you genuinely believe your own explanation, I’m obligated as your friend to tell you that I don’t think you keep a thirst album of Jeno because of the comedic value

Junnie: Also, would it kill you to use a comma now and then?

sunburn: yeah your explanation makes no sense

sunburn: although the phrase “perfect sculpted body” gives a little more insight into your true feelings

JenLo: All I want to say is

JenLo: If you’ve ever touched yourself while thinking of me you’re disowned

banana: you would never disown me

JenLo: Ok, you’re disowned

banana: ive only done it 14 times

Junnie: Jaemin, please.

Junnie: At least try to maintain some SEMBLANCE of decorum

JenLo: I want new friends

sunburn: damn me too, what a coincidence

...

JenLo: Wait, where did Mark go, I literally started this conversation just to ask him to kick Jaemin out

JenLo: Mark, what’s the verdict

JenLo: Mark??

JenLo: I knew something was off when he replied immediately

banana: im a bad bitch you cant kill me

sunburn: oof mark deadass didn’t even stay long enough to hear you plead your case

Junnie: I don’t know why he’s admin when he’s literally never here

Junnie: Or if he is, he’s just lurking

markly: sorry, I was just dealing with the flashbacks

JenLo: flashbacks of what

markly: the time I stumbled across Hyuck’s “mark lee please step on me” photo album

sunburn: oop-

sunburn: sorry y’all gotta dash

JenLo: disappointed but not surprised

markly: anyway

_markly has removed banana from the chat_

markly: he can take the next few days to think about what he’s done

JenLo: Thanks, you’re my favorite friend <3

markly: we victims have to stick together

**[Mark and jaems]**

jaems: this is homophobia

Mark: would you rather experience homophobia or a sexual harassment lawsuit

**[Leelee and Nana]**

Nana: dude whyd u get me kicked out

Nana: is this bc you saw my renjun thirst album

Nana: i sucked your dick yesterday so i know for a fact that u already knew i was attracted to u and don’t care about the album

Nana: and i thought we agreed we werent gonna let everyone know were fucking bc theyd be weird about it what happeneddd whyd you do thissss

Leelee: Well, I just wanted to get back at you for “forgetting your wallet” at Wendy’s the other day

Leelee: And I knew you weren’t going to expose yourself

Leelee: Although you did kind of expose yourself anyway when you admitting to thinking about me in your

Leelee: Uh

Leelee: Private time

Leelee: But please, tell me more about this Renjun thirst album

Leelee: I only saw the cute selca one

Nana: oh

Nana: well you see

Nana: fuck.

Leelee: Lol I’m not mad, it’s not like I’m your boyfriend

Leelee: I just wanna see what you have

Nana: oh thank god

Nana: tbh when u first starting talking in the group chat i thought you were talking about the Renjun album and i peed myself a little ngl

Nana: if u see it it means youre an accomplice and he can never know about it under any circumstance

Nana: i like my balls where they are thanks and im sure u do too

Nana: n e way come over in like an hour and ill show u

Nana: we can order mickey ds if u didn’t eat dinner yet

Leelee: Sounds like a plan

Leelee: Fyi I’m only agreeing because you can’t tell me you forgot your wallet when we’re in your own home

Nana: ah

Nana: how to take back an offer last minute

Leelee: Jaemin that wasn’t the google search bar

Nana: i know

**[disciples of nash]**

ChenkleChip: Hmm

Junnie: ?

ChenkleChip: Hmmmmm

Junnie: ???

Junnie: Chenle stop being ominous, you know Haechan doesn’t metabolize anticipation very well

sunburn: yeah I just stepped on the scale, that’s three lbs on your conscience

ChenkleChip: So I know it’s a kinda awkward time for this considering what went down in this chat like two hours ago, but since Jaemin isn’t here, I feel like it’s also a very good time

Junnie: Time for what???

sunburn: chenle pls

ChenkleChip: Okay okay, hold your horses

ChenkleChip: So I made a friend

JenLo: !!

ChenkleChip: He’s even younger than me, but I saw him working at Jamba a couple weeks ago

ChenkleChip: And I thought he was cute so I made friends with him!

sunburn: since when was making friends that easy

Junnie: You’re only saying that because no one besides us wants to be your friend

sunburn: stfu dumb bitch, it’s because I have cribbling social anxiety

Junnie: Okay but literally since when, did you forget that the first time I ever saw you you had just finished mooning the senior quad and were struggling to pull your pants back up

sunburn: it’s hard having an ass this phat smh

Junnie: And that’s what you get out of this

ChenkleChip: … Anyways

ChenkleChip: I brought it up because I was thinking of adding him to the chat, since me and him have been talking a lot this week and he doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends

ChenkleChip: But now I don’t know if that’s actually a good idea

JenLo: Lele I think it’ll be okay, Haechan and Renjun bring out the worst in each other, but I like to think that they can control themselves for at least a little bit

JenLo: Also, if you really do like this boy, better to start him off with them and then ease him into Jaemin

Junnie: Thanks for assuming that’s me at my worst

Junnie: And did you just not read my anecdote about Haechan mooning the entirety of the senior class

JenLo: I’m just trying to support the Chenle Boyfriend agenda

Junnie: Valid

Junnie: Bring in your boy, Chenle

ChenkleChip: Great!

ChenkleChip: But don’t tell him I think he’s cute

ChenkleChip: Oh his name’s Jisung btw

_ChenkleChip has added Jisung to the chat_

sunburn: tiddies

_markly has removed sunburn from the chat_

ChenkleChip: I don’t know what I expected.

JenLo: So Mark was here

Jisung: oh.

Jisung: wow, that was savage.

Junnie: Welcome to hell, kid


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to start and post a fic right as I was moving, but I did bc I’m a clown. The past two weeks have consisted of nothing but driving, shopping and assembling furniture 24/7, I think I looked at ao3 like twice in that time. I’m finally settled, so updates should be a lot more frequent now
> 
> n e way, thanks for the comments! And here’s more garbage

**[disciples of nash]**

ChenkleChip: So

ChenkleChip: Jisung, these are my friends

ChenkleChip: Jeno, Renjun and Mark ^^

Jisung: i thought you said you had five friends in the gc.

ChenkleChip: For current purposes, I only have three

markly: hey I’m Mark

markly: I’m kinda old :/ I’m the only one here in college

JenLo: Jeno here

JenLo: I’m a senior

Junnie: And I’m Renjun, also a senior

Jisung: cool, I’m a junior like chenle.

Jisung: he’s older than me, so i guess i’m the youngest here.

Junnie: You type weird, what’s with the periods

markly: you know Renjun, it’s not as hard to suppress your insults as you make it out to be

markly: you can ignore him Jisung

Jisung: can do.

Jisung: not to go off topic, but what’s a disciple of nash.

Jisung: are you guys in a cult.

markly: good timing, I was just about to get to that

markly: okay guys, you know the protocol

Junnie: Cult meeting

JenLo: Cult meeting

ChenkleChip: CULT MEETING

Jisung: i was joking when i asked, but that response isn’t very reassuring.

Jisung: chenle, i thought you were normal.

ChenkleChip: Don’t worry, it’s not as bad as it sounds

ChenkleChip: Every friend group has a quirk and this is ours

ChenkleChip: Everyone at my house at 6!

JenLo: Question, is Jaemin invited?

JenLo: He’s been pestering me ever since he got removed from the chat

Junnie: ,,, You were the one who got him kicked out

JenLo: It’s a temporary punishment

ChenkleChip: Yeah, of course, we can’t have a cult meeting without the full cult

ChenkleChip: @mark Can you make sure Haechan knows?

markly: I’m just gonna add him back before he has an aneurysm

_ markly has added sunburn to the chat _

sunburn: all you fake ass bitches out there can go get FUCKED UNPLEASURABLY in every hole possible

sunburn: especially you Mark

ChenkleChip: I don't think unpleasurably is a word

Junnie: That’s worse than what he said to get himself removed

Junnie: Mark?

markly: he can stay

markly: for now

Junnie: The raw power is astounding

Jisung: is mark the god of this domain or something?

markly: I am an infinitely powerful being, and all mortals tremble before me

Junnie: He introduced us to each other, so we let him keep admin rights

ChenkleChip: Jisung, meet Haechan

ChenkleChip: I would say he’s not always like this, but then I’d be lying :/

ChenkleChip: He’s another senior, and choir is to him what loona is to stan twitter

sunburn: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again

sunburn: there are two types of people, 1) people who are in choir and 2) people who don’t deserve rights

sunburn: moral of the story is: join choir

sunburn: are we gonna have a cult meeting to initiate the new kid

ChenkleChip: Yeah, that’s why Mark added you back

ChenkleChip: My place at 6

sunburn: pls tell me that we’re ordering pizza and you’re not cooking

sunburn: you know ily and that you’re my favorite, but your cooking is actual garbage

sunburn: no one puts chai tea in soup for a reason

Jisung: i know i already said this, but i strongly feel the need to repeat it.

Jisung: chenle, i thought you were normal.

ChenkleChip: Stop exposing me!!! 

ChenkleChip: And the recipe called for spices I didn’t have, so I was improvising!!

ChenkleChip: My family always eats what I make, so it can’t be that bad

sunburn: RIP Chenle’s family 2020

JenLo: Rip

Junnie: RIP

markly: RIP

Jisung: rip

ChenkleChip: You guys are mean 

ChenkleChip: If we’re getting pizza you’re paying for it

sunburn: a small price in the grand scheme of things

JenLo: I’ll order one if no one minds mushroom

sunburn: that’s kinda gross Jeno ngl

sunburn: I’m gonna order the other one so no one feels forced to consume Jeno’s fungus pie

Junnie: Don’t lie, you’re gonna get Hawaiian style because you actually like watching people suffer

sunburn: I was gonna get cheese because I’m not a fucking degenerate, but since you think so highly of me, I’ll request half hawaiian JUST for you :))))

Junnie: The skill to fuck myself over is unrivaled

  
  


**[chenle and pwark jisung]**

pwark jisung: you weren’t lying when you said your friends are weird.

chenle: Nope, not at all

chenle: They’re an acquired taste but they grow on you over time

chenle: Like mold

pwark jisung: appealing.

pwark jisung: but really though, did you invite me to a cult.

chenle: Nooooo, it’s just a movie Mark really loves and made all of us watch when we became friends with him

chenle: Now we make all our friends watch it as tradition, but it’s really terrible

pwark jisung: seems a bit extreme to create a cult around it.

pwark jisung: which one is it?

chenle: The Adventures of Pluto Nash

chenle: It has Eddie Murphy in it

chenle: You definitely haven’t seen it

pwark jisung: nope.

pwark jisung: but it explains the gc name.

chenle: Yeah it’s pretty terrible

chenle: But if you watch it Mark will love you forever, so it’s ultimately worth it

pwark jisung: is it really though.

pwark jisung: i just looked it up, and it’s supposedly one of the biggest flops of all time.

chenle: That’s part of the appeal!!

pwark jisung: if you say so...

pwark jisung: oh yeah i meant to ask, is it ok if i’m a little late?

pwark jisung: i have a work shift that doesn’t end until 6:30.

chenle: No prob! The only person who ever shows up on time is Jeno anyway

chenle: But I thought Jamba closes at 6?

pwark jisung: it does, this is a different job

chenle: Oo I see

chenle: Wow, you have two jobs? You must be busy all the time!

pwark jisung: hahaha

chenle: What’s so funny?

pwark jisung: you think i only have two jobs.

chenle: >:I

chenle: I would sure hope so, I don’t even have one job, so compared to you I already look like a deadbeat

chenle: And I’m older than you!

pwark jisung: you have hobbies and actually study so it’s ok.

pwark jisung: i just work a lot because i have nothing better to do.

chenle: If you say so…

pwark jisung: haha

pwark jisung: i actually have a shift now, but i’ll text you when i’m done

chenle: Okie doke, seeya later

pwark jisung: :)

**[disciples of nash]**

sunburn: I have a question

Junnie: I wanna tell you to go for it, but at the same time, I feel a deep sense of dread

Junnie: Also, aren’t you working right now? 

sunburn: God I’m on my lunch break MOM smh

ChenkleChip: I would like to hear this question

sunburn: ok so why would the japanese name their children yuri if yuri is the word for a lesbian homoerotic genre in japanese media 

sunburn: I’m probably being culturally insensitive and I’ve only been thinking about this because I spent too long being brainwashed by Yuta’s weird anime, but if I was japanese and named my child yuri I would just constantly be reminded of lesbians every time I said their name

sunburn: is yuri just not a mainstream term?

sunburn: or is japanese just a language where it’s common for one word to have a lot of different uses

ChenkleChip: Wouldn’t you also name your kids after something you loved?

Jisung: wtf chenle.

markly: thanks for the words of wisdom, Hyuck

markly: and Chenle ig

Junnie: Goddammit Haechan, stop corrupting the youth

Junnie: Maybe if you spent as much time studying as you spent watching lesbian porn, you might’ve passed your physics test

sunburn: fuck you this was meant to be an educational conversation, and you fucking know I have numerical dyslexia

sunburn: I can’t pass physics because I'm mathematically disabled

Junnie: You know that I know your selective dyslexia doesn’t exist

Junnie: Anyway, discussion closed, all of you have a great and productive day from now on, and see you at 6

sunburn: you’re not our real mom

Junnie: DISCUSSION CLOSED. :)

sunburn: alright then 

sunburn: discussion closed, fear boner: activated

Junnie: You are actually worse than Jaemin

sunburn: ouch

  
  



End file.
